Catholic Greetings

A brief post on the eve of All Saints Day to pass on a link to a site that offers lovely Traditional Catholic greeting cards: www.bridgewatercreative.com. Very beautiful cards for Catholic occasions as well as blank cards; they also offer framed art work. This is a small family-owned business with all printing done in the USA. May God Bless us on All Saints Day and grant us the grace of imitating the saints in our daily lives!

Abortion Survey

A few months ago I conducted a very unscientific but interesting survey at our local hospital's women's clinic. I asked 22 healthcare workers to complete a simple survey form for me. The 22 interviewed included doctors, residents in OB-GYN training, nurses in OB-GYN, medical students, residents in Internal Medicine training and medical techs in OB-GYN. On the survey I asked participants their religion; if they were actively practicing it; if they called themselves pro-choice or pro-life; if they had ever seen a pregnancy termination; if they had ever participated in a pregnancy termination and, if they had, how they would characterize their feelings about that participation; how they would characterize their feelings about abortion in general; and if they thought abortion should be legal or not.

I apologize for the length of the results, which I broke down into many categories. I was surprised by the outcome of this survey: I discovered that being "pro-life" meant different things to different people. And that some who claim to be pro-choice are more vocal about abortion's ills than are some who claim to be pro-life! What did I learn from this survey? That the pro-life movement has much work to do, and much of this work must begin within our own ranks! Catholics in this survey seemed either unaware of the Church's teaching about birth control and abortion--or they chose to ignore it. My summary follows the survey results.

Self-identified religion of respondents:

13 Catholics (11 “actively practicing”)
1 Christian (“actively practicing”)
2 Agnostics
2 Hindus (1 “actively practicing”)
1 Sikh (“actively practicing”)
1 “not religious”
1 Jewish (“actively practicing”)
1 Episcopalian (“not actively practicing”)

“Pro-life” (7 of 22) by religious preference:

Catholic: 5
Christian: 1
“Not religious”: 1

“Pro-choice” (15 of 22) by religious preference:

Catholic: 8
Agnostic: 2
Hindu: 2
Sikh: 1
Jewish: 1
Episcopalian: 1

“Pro-life” by job title:

RN: 1
Tech: 1
OB-GYN resident: 1
Medical Student: 2
OB-GYN physicians: 2

“Pro-choice” by job title:

RNs: 2
Tech: 1
Genetics counselor: 1
OB-GYN residents: 8
Internal Medicine resident: 1
Medical students: 2

Number of “pro-life” professionals who have witnessed abortions: 3 of 7

Medical student: 2
OB-GYN physician: 1

Number of “pro-choice” professionals who have witnessed abortions: 10 of 15

Tech: 1
RNs: 2
Genetics counselor: 1
OB-GYN residents: 5
Medical resident: 1

Number of “pro-life” professionals who have participated in abortions: 2 of 7

OB-GYN physician: “only as a student, part of mandatory training, after extensive counseling with a priest”
Medical student: “as a medical student I felt I needed to experience one, but I doubt I will ever perform the procedure”

Number of “pro-choice” professionals who have participated in abortions: 9 of 15

Tech: 1 (mandatory)
RNs: 2 (mandatory)
Genetics counselor: 1 (willingly, counseling women about 2nd trimester abortions for genetic reasons and staying with women during the abortion)
OB-GYN residents: 5 (willingly, 2 who perform abortions up to 20 weeks of pregnancy)

Number of “pro-life” professionals who feel abortion should be legal: 5 of 7

Medical students: 2 (under limited circumstances)
OB-GYN resident: 1 (with restriction on 2nd trimester abortion)
Tech: 1 (no restrictions)
RN: 1 (no restrictions)

Number of “pro-choice” professionals who feel abortion should be legal: 15 of 15

Number of “pro-life” professionals who approve of / prescribe contraception: 7 of 7


Sampling of “pro-life” comments:

“It’s outright murder”
“Once conception takes place, he or she is a human being regardless of how many days or weeks of pregnancy”
“Abortion should not be legal, but there is room for discussion”
“Abortion should be legal since women die from septic abortions when abortion is illegal.”
“Abortion should be legal when the mother’s life is significantly compromised or the fetus has a relatively significant abnormality that would severely and adversely affect his/her quality of life”
“I’d rather see pregnancy prevention. I think being pro-legal abortion is being pro-life since it saves women’s lives”
“Unless a woman’s life is at risk, abortion is not justified. The destruction of the potential of life outweighs the momentary inconvenience of pregnancy. I don’t believe anyone has the right to destroy the potential of the sum total of experience and contribution to society and life that is inherent in the unborn. There are a myriad of pre-conception birth control devices and options available that could nearly negate the need for abortion”
I am spiritually and religiously against abortion but believe it should be allowed when the fetus has a documented and tested significant abnormality. However, if it is an elective abortion or one in which the risk of a chromosomal abnormality is relatively small, than I am strongly against the decision. I must note, nonetheless, that it is not my place to judge patients who have had or want abortions nor will I force my beliefs on them”
“Men don’t have a post-conception choice that affords them the option to terminate their parental responsibility like women do, thus violating the equal protection clause in the constitution (article 22) and civil rights acts of 1964 and 1965”
“Abortion should be legal and up to one’s discretion”
I did not feel guilt or grief related to my participation, however I did experience grief for the life that was lost”

Sampling of “pro-choice” comments:

“I felt no grief or guilt about my participation”
“I feel women should have the right to choose, however there should be a limit to how many abortions a woman has—should not be used as birth control”
“Abortion should be legal otherwise we’ll be back to back-alley abortions and women dying from infection”
“I have no grief or guilt doing first trimester abortions. I did a second trimester abortion once, and I’ll never do that again”
“I do not think about the abortion—it is a procedure, in my mind”
“I’ve performed abortions, but no more for me!”
“I felt grief and guilt about my participation because there were very few real reasons for the terminations. Most were downright irresponsibility”
“If I thought about it, I would feel bad”
“I wish abortion were unnecessary. The end doesn’t justify the means.”
“I feel abortion should be offered without reservations or stipulations”
“I believe that terminating a pregnancy is a woman’s right. In my experience, most women who are face to face with an abnormal pregnancy will consider termination”
“The political agenda of the extreme right will dictate and control the legality of abortion if allowed. That will be very scary”
“I found watching the abortion disturbing; the woman seemed very distraught”
“I personally did not feel grief or guilt but I remember feeling very sorry for the woman. It was something I did not want to see again”
“I tried to distance myself in many cases, especially when patients used abortion as a method of birth control.”
“After awhile I just couldn’t take it anymore”
“Abortion should not be done after 10 to 12 weeks of pregnancy”
“I realize that it is the decision of the individual, but it should be a last resort”
“I’m pro-life for myself, pro-choice for others. I would never perform an abortion, however I think others have the right to choose what they believe”
“I feel women should have the choice to have abortions, but it is also my choice as a doctor not to perform them”
“Abortion should be a guilt free choice”

My Summary:

Of 7 pro-life professionals, 7 approve of and / or prescribe birth control
Of 7 pro-life professionals, 5 believe abortion should be legal (2 under any circumstances; 2 only when the mother’s life is at risk or the fetus has severe abnormalities; 1 with restrictions on 2nd trimester abortion)
7 of the 15 pro-choice professionals either say they would never participate in abortions in the first place or they have stopped participating in them
All pro-choice professions feel abortion should be legal; 10 of the 15 say that abortion should be strictly limited and regulated
6 out of 11 actively practicing Catholics call themselves pro-choice
5 out of 11 actively practicing Catholics participated in abortions, 3 under pressure and 2 willingly
13 of the 13 Catholics approve of or prescribe birth control, one under pressure
11 of the 13 Catholics say abortion should be legal (2 feel that abortion should be limited only to risk of mother’s death or fetal abnormalities; 1 is against legalization but feels there should be “room for discussion”)


My Observations:

Caregivers of any religion who call themselves pro-life may nevertheless approve of and prescribe birth control (believing this will lessen abortion), approve of the “morning after pill” (as an alternative to abortion), and believe abortion should be legal (some desire limited access)

Catholic caregivers in this sampling more often call themselves pro-choice than pro-life

Pro-choice caregivers of any religion often express feeling conflicted about abortion, especially if they have participated in abortions

Many pro-choice caregivers won’t perform abortions although they remain pro-choice (“okay for others but not for me”)

Most in this sampling, pro-choice or pro-life, express a reluctance “to judge” women who have abortions

My Conclusions:

The labels “pro-life” and “pro-choice” do not accurately reflect how caregivers actually feel or act regarding abortion: Political, societal and peer beliefs seem to determine how most caregivers will act regarding abortion; religious beliefs may or may not determine how they feel about abortion

Catholic caregivers are either not aware of the Church’s teaching on abortion and birth control, or they disagree with it or feel pressured to go against it

Participating in abortions seems to be a deterrent to further participation, but participation in abortion does not deter a caregiver from supporting abortion rights

Most in this sampling, pro-life and pro-choice, view birth control and the morning after pill as a preferred alternative to abortion

Again: The pro-life movement has much work to do; this work must begin in our own ranks! Pray that those of us who are pro-life might be truly pro-life!

Rachel's Vineyard

Back in April 2006, I attended a Rachel's Vineyard weekend in Connecticut. I attended for two reasons: one was to see what went on there, to witness how women who had had abortions were supported and encouraged; the second and main reason was my own desire to make reparation for all the times I had, either by silent acquiescence or active participation, contributed in any way to the taking of an unborn life. Over the course of the retreat I watched as women who had grieved their abortions--sometimes for years--were lovingly and gently helped to forgive themselves and to be assured of the Church's forgiveness and welcome. (If you're a woman or man in need of this forgiveness and counsel go to http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/ for more information.)

One exercise that weekend was to make a list of people in our lives and then write a letter to someone who had hurt us or with whom we had unfinished business. I found that I wasn't angry at anyone, nor did I have unfinished business with anyone--with anyone but myself that is. Recently I found the letter I wrote to myself that weekend. This letter reminds me of how much work I must still do in the world and in myself; I see again how narrow the gate is, the one that we are called to pass through.

A letter to myself:

After studying my list, I find that no one in my life--my mother or father, my ex-husbands, my children, my friends--has truly hurt me. I have only hurt myself, perhaps most by my years of accepting feminism, as all my friends did. Sometimes I feel sorrow, confusion, questioning, or wonder--but any anger has long since gone away. And the only one that I have unfinished business with is myself.

I've thought about and written about the separation from my parents that occurred when I was an infant and toddler and find no blame there. They did what they thought was best for us all at the time. My ex-husbands? Any issues there are blames shared and perhaps mostly mine. The feminist movement? This turns out to be, this weekend, my biggest question, my black hole, the forest I was lost in. How did this movement fool so many who genuinely believed in women's equality, in a woman's right to be heard, to make equal wages, to live without fear of battering or abuse? How did this movement turn into an approval of abortion, approval of a lifestyle not family centered but career centered, a life based not on service to others but on service to self? How did this movement help turn our society's focus from the desire to please God to the desire for human respect and the triumph of human will over God's will?

How my life and my beliefs have changed from that time, but how many errors and wrong turns I have made along the way! Thankfully, I've also learned that life unfolds as God wills--suffering, joy, change, mistakes and struggle--all a part of the journey as we seek and accept our own part in God's plan. My desire this weekend is for forgiveness for all the wrongs that I have done to others, and for the chance to give thanks that wisdom does come, sometimes slowly, but always in God's own time.

If life is like a ribbon unfurling from conception to death, and if along the way there are "knots" in that ribbon--childhood, marriage, births, deaths, errors, joys, fears--how can I more fully accept this ribbon as both a gift and a grave responsibility? As the ribbon slides faster and faster through my hands, how can I celebrate those knots with love, mercy and clarity? I pray that I might accept the past and learn from it, then go on to live with new resolution and always with prayer and penance:
--to continue to strive to know, love and serve God
--to see Christ in others, especially in those who are suffering
--to serve in the ways I am asked to serve, no matter how others serve
--to suffer patiently, even the greatest sufferings
--to forgive seventy times seven
--to have confidence both in God's justice and in His love
--to be fully embodied and yet aware of how frail we humans are, and how vulnerable
--to live with lightness and with joy by being both of this earth and detached from it
--to remember that we must first serve those in our family and our friends

So ends the letter. So continues my arduous journey.

The Gift of Life

It's a beautiful day in Connecticut, clear and warm after yesterday's torrential downpour. Leaves are changing and falling; birds are busy at the feeder outside my open window; the woods behind our house is quiet except for the breeze, one chattering squirrel and a pair of arguing crows.

This beautiful day was made even more beautiful for me by the arrival of "Is it a Baby, or just some cells," the brochure that tells the story of my conversion from being pro-choice, even participating in abortions, to being pro-life. Thank you to Requiem Press (www.requiempress.com) for bringing this story into the world. I went to my post office, received and opened the carefully packed box that contained 20 brochures, a catalog and a lovely little booklet of prays for the souls in purgatory; then I sat in my car, rereading the words I had written more than a year ago, words that look so different, so official in print. I have written many things--some things that now I wish I had never allowed to be published--but this is the first time that I have affirmed, in the published word, my pro-life stance. Sitting in the car, reading, I realized that this is only the beginning. Now comes the difficult part, spreading and defending the pro-life message. Well, spreading the word might not be too difficult (I can mail the brochure to friends and others who might be interested), but defending the word is more of a challenge, especially because I work in the medical and nursing world, a world filled with staunchly pro-choice advocates.

I know that there are very few out there who read this blog--then again, one purpose of a blog might be simply to help those who write them organize their thoughts, state their beliefs and support their causes. One reason I began this blog was to correct, if possible, the impression some readers might get from my earlier writings--back before I became Catholic, before I saw the world around me in new ways. My earlier poems, some of them, are particularly "feminist," especially since I came to writing in the bloom of the feminist movement. I recognize, however, a clear difference between being pro-woman (I consider myself pro-woman) and being a "feminist," which seems to imply, to me, a blanket acceptance of everything that "feminism" as an entity supports, including abortion. Thankfully, more of my writing, both then and now, concerns my work in nursing and my privileged relationship with patients. Truly the interaction between a patient and his or her nurse creates a sacred, often a holy, place.

This brochure honors the sacred space of the womb and God's incredible gift of life. Pray for me that I might have the fortitude to defend my pro-life beliefs in the face of the medical community around me. Pray for those women and men who perform abortions, that God may touch them, as He touched me, and change their lives.

Motu Proprio

Just home from work, got soaked in the rain running from the health center to my car, then soaked again on arriving home and getting the mail. Good thing I like the rain--at the same time I worry about my loved ones who might be out and about. May we all, wherever we live, be getting home tonight safe and sound. Once a priest said, during his homily, that we should all cross ourselves and give thanks when we arrive at our destinations whether driving or flying or riding a bus or train. I've taken to doing this and always wonder what those around me in the parking lot think. Then again, that's the purpose--to show that we are Catholics, to demonstrate pride in our Faith and love and dependence on God, to be examples.

The Pope, may God permit him many years, has given us all a chance to regain some of our Catholic zeal and to further enhance our Faith by issuing his Motu Proprio, releasing the Traditional Latin Mass from its chains. Of course there are many who never gave up the Latin Mass but continued to seek it out, often driving miles to attend. Now, those who have never experienced this Mass will have an opportunity, if only they will request the Mass and do the studying that might be necessary for them to participate internally to the fullest. In my parish, our priest is giving a series of lectures tracing the history of the Mass, particularly the Roman Canon, which was considered too Holy and too perfect to change. Until the Vatican II counsel decided to do just that. He will, in his next lectures, go through the entire Extraordinary Mass--I have been amazed that there are so many who have never seen or experienced this most Holy of sacrifices! I'm fortunate. I have been nourished and nurtured in my Faith by the Traditional Mass for many years. I can't imagine being Catholic without this Mass. You might already know of the wonderful site "What Does the Prayer Really Say," (www.wdtprs.com) but if you don't, go there at once to read in-depth articles and conversations about the merits of this Mass!

Besides jumping up and down in celebration of the Motu Proprio, I'm awaiting the arrival of "Is It a Baby or Just Some Cells?" a booklet published by Requiem Press about my journey from being pro-choice to being pro-life. This publication is only a small attempt to answer my constant questions: how can I use my writing to honor God? How can I use my talents to fulfill His will for me? How can I empty myself of all but His will? How can I go against the popular opinion of society by being pro-life, especially when so many of my colleagues in medicine and nursing are pro-choice? Indeed, how can any of us be as brave and faithful as our Pope, who certainly has gone against many by releasing this Motu. He wants to elevate us to the level of the Church, when for so many years it seemed that the Church was lowering herself to our flawed and secular level.

The rain continues. Blessings upon our Pope, upon those priests who have kept the Latin Mass alive, upon the Faithful who have attended in spite of difficulties, upon the priests and bishops who will now bring to many the Extraordinary Mass, the most Holy of Sacrifices.

Cleavage

Okay, who in the world ever thought I would be motivated to write about cleavage--but today pushed me over the edge. I work in a hospital and also in a university health center. Back in the "old days" there was a dress code, both for medical staff and for clerical staff. A nurse, I remember having to wear my hair up off my collar, my skirt hem at my knees and my jewelry kept to a minimum, a wedding band only and a watch. No dangling earrings. Certainly no cleavage. Cleavage was something to be reserved for a big event, a fancy night out, an evening gown. Even then, cleavage was supposed to be a suggestion rather than a total revelation of the flesh. Between the "old days" and these modern times, something has happened. Suddenly cleavage is as common as a cell phone and no longer reserved for the grand ballroom. Cleavage appears on TV regularly, even on the medical shows--and in "real life" the female residents I work with have followed suit, or should I say, have followed halter top. I'm not sure how patients feel about being seen by a young woman whose lab coat covers neither her naval nor her cleavage. The same problem exists in the university setting. Young female students routinely wear low cut and/or filmy tops that keep very little a secret. And this show-it-all trend extends to the grand dames as well. I've seen women my age (I could probably be your mother or even your grandmother) who seem to think nothing of exposing their less-than-nubile physiques. So why does this bother me?


I happen to think that the female form is one of God's beautiful creations. But I worry that the current trend to bare all in everyday dress is a slippery slope. This loss of modesty is the natural next step to our society's casual attitude regarding sex and abortion. What comes next? My suspicion is that all this "casual" behavior isn't really casual at all but instead is the outward sign of a culture that is anxious, untethered, searching, and in great need of balance, limits and peace. Our frantic world, one in which we are endlessly "connected," endlessly bombarded by sight, sound and sensation, can be a very disorienting place. I worry that we're sometimes too overstimulated to realize this. Like over-wound toys, we frantically jump about--until we wind down and collapse.


Slippery slopes exist everywhere, some more dangerous than others. The slippery slope of immodesty coupled with fluid or non-existent moral boundaries has, historically, led to the downfall of nations. I worry that we've begun this downward slide and are picking up momentum. Cleavage everywhere; clothing for young girls with slogans like "I'm hot" or "Babe" or "Kiss me" across the chest or bottom in sequins; residents who dress like hookers but want to be respected as professionals; students who dress as if their bodies were public property.

The trend to immodesty is so commonplace that we, most of the time, don't even notice. And so the slippery slope gets ever more slippery.

October is Respect for Life Month

We hear a lot about the "culture of life" versus the "culture of death," and I have to admit that the idea of choosing one over the other might turn some people off. Those folks might look around and say, "What do you mean, culture of death?"

I used to be one of those folks. And, had I not become grounded in the Church, had I not myself lived through the process of moving from being a woman who, without questioning, supported pro-choice initiatives to a woman who understood, from personal experience, what it meant to choose death instead of life, I too might wonder why we need to be reminded that we live in a culture of death.

Just for today, look around. Our society champions money, possessions, youth, sexuality (as opposed to sensuality, which is a good thing), instant gratification without sacrifice, good looks (as opposed to good works), intelligence (with little toleration for "learning disabilities") and "experiences" rather than commitments. We so often place ourselves above God: everything becomes our choice and our wish, even if our choices may be against God's will. Yes, I admit that God's will is not always easy to discern. Nevertheless, isn't it our task to try and discern what God's will is in every case instead of simply hustling our own will to the forefront?

Pope John Paul II, admittedly not my favorite Pope, said it very well: "All human beings, from their mothers' womb, belong to God who searches them and knows them, who forms them and knits them together with His own hands, who gazes at them when they are tiny shapeless embryos and already sees in them the adults of tomorrow whose days are numbered and whose vocation is even now written in the 'book of life.'" (Evangelium Vitae, 61)

He does a few pretty impressive things in this short quote. By using the plural "their mothers'" followed by the singular "womb," he implies that all human beings, all mothers and all embryos, share one womb---perhaps the womb of Mary, who bore Christ. This links us all from the moment of conception to Christ and to the woman who carried him. Surely Mary, finding herself unwed and pregnant, said Yes when it might have seemed more "practical" and convenient to say No. Then, at the end of the quote, the pope mentions the book of life, the focus of the Jewish Holy Day of Yom Kippur. For Jews, this season of atonement has one goal: to seek forgiveness for sins against God and against man and so to be written, by the hand of God, into the book of life for one more year. By bringing in this Jewish tradition the pope links us to ancient ancestors, to the religious forefathers of Christ. Surely today we are still called upon to act in ways that demonstrate our desire to be written in the book of life: are we not also called upon to act in ways that assure that the names of the innocent, the elderly, the disabled, and the "worthless" are also written in the book of life? Then too there is the pope's use of the singular "vocation." Does the pope inply that we all have but a single vocation? I think perhaps he does. Our universal vocation is to know, love and serve God, no matter what other personal vocations we pursue. Again, not always an easy task to combine our secular work with the work we must do to serve Him.

In October, let us pray for the strength and courage of Mary and for the desire to be written in the book of life. Our sins against life might be forgiven, if we only ask. If only we ask, we might know God's will for us when we are faced with the decision to choose life or choose death. May we all give God our Yes, even when that yes seems impossible. The gate through which we are called to pass is narrow indeed. I remind myself to keep thinking of what lies on the other side.

The Call to Conversion, Take Three

I've had three conversions in my life: the first was my conversion from the Protestant religion of my youth to Judaism; next came my conversion to Catholicism; and along the way, something else happened. Little by little, I became pro-life.

After working in women's health for sixteen years, after counseling women who chose abortion, after preparing women for their abortions, after participating in the abortion procedure and after talking with many of these women after their abortions, I could no longer endorse pregnancy termination as the almost-casual method of birth control it had, for many, become. Just as my Catechism with Fr. B. opened my eyes to the world around me, to how we seem to have forgotten that our task in life is to become holy, to return to God, my work in women's health opened my eyes to the reality of what I was doing: I was destroying life. Over time, I had, in spite of the warning voice inside me, become more and more involved with abortions. God kept sending me warning messages, but I kept trying to rationalize them away. This little booklet, "Is It a Baby, or Just Some Cells," is the story of my journey from being unquestioningly pro-choice to being pro-life, a turn in the road that I never expected to take--just as I never expected to move from my Protestant beginnings to Judaism and finally to Catholicism.

Truth is, I'm a bit nervous about this publication. It is, in a way, a coming-out, a declaration of belief, a belief that is not shared by many. It seems, in our secular culture in which birth control and abortion are simply taken for granted, impossible to be a woman who supports women's rights and yet also supports life; to be a poet and a writer who appreciates the exploration of human feelings and actions and yet also believes that our task in life, no matter who we are or what we do, is to know, love and serve God. Sometimes that means going against popular belief, popular practice. It acknowledges that the gate to Heaven can be, indeed, a narrow one. So it is with a deep breath and a prayer for courage that I publish this post.

The booklet is available from Requiem Press: http://www.requiempress.com/